This picture has a quote on it that reads..."Some people only dream of Angels, we held ours in our arms."
Today, October 15th, is pregnancy and infant loss remembrance day. It is extra special to me that this day falls just 11 short days after the birth and death of my son. I remember the wounds still being fresh but I felt it extremely important to go to a candle light ceremony in remembrance of this day just a short week after having my Cohen. I remember looking at all the mother's around me and seeing their broken hearts right there on their faces. Today we remember everyone who has ever had a loss.
I remember the excitement of becoming pregnant after many months of trying.
I remember the first ultrasound and how I felt like I could finally let me guard down and get excited.
I remember starting to feel like something wasn't right around 10 weeks in to the pregnancy.
I remember going constantly and the doctor calming my fears by finding a healthy heartbeat.
I remember thinking that if my son had a healthy heartbeat then he must be perfect.
I remember going for that 20 week ultrasound and the tech acting strange and printing out 25 pictures and giving me three.
I remember how my heart dropped when the phone rang minutes after getting home from the appointment....when you hear the nurse tell you that your Dr. would like to talk to you then you know this isn't good.
I remember when the specialist told me this was a lethal condition for my baby and choices had to be made.
I remember having peace the day I was in labor.
Most importantly, I remember holding my baby boy and taking my finger and rubbing every inch of his tiny body....I memorized his body at that point and I will never forget it.
Many people lose a baby at some point and if you never do, then you are part of the lucky few. Those of us who have lost a baby know that we think of that child often not just today but to have a day to recognize the losses means a lot.
Today I remember....do you?