Wednesday, September 26, 2012


Two days ago I wrote THIS post about how my heart has been feeling lately.  That same day my husband finally asked me what was wrong and when I tried to tell him, his response was to start jogging.  No seriously, he told me that he read in my Redbook magazine that jogging helps your mood.  Then I proceeded to say only limited words to him over the next 24 hoursJ

No worries though because he did redeem himself somewhat last night.  Of course I had to start the conversation because the fact that I can slap on a happy face for my babies is a sign to a man that all is well in my world. 

I love the Bible.  I love to hear Bible verses that relate to my daily life and encourage me.  My problem is that I don’t really like to just sit down and read the Bible.  I pull the Bible verses that I love the most and then I leave the rest.  It has been brought to my attention by my husband that sometimes what I am looking for may be in “the rest” that I am leaving behind.  So last night as we talked he tried to convince me that while handing stuff to God and really leaving it with him is hard, it can be done.  He also suggested that read Proverbs and then I read it again.  All of Proverbs.  Now I think those suggestions were a little bit better than the suggestion of jogging because the man that should know me best should know that running and getting hot is not really my thing and it makes me have chest pains!  Ha! 

I am feeling a little bit better today.  I am always thankful for the blessings that I have and most importantly thankful for my husband and my children.  Does that stop me from wondering what is ahead and hoping for something more, no but my faith should teach me about the moment and not the future.  If I have learned anything I should know that no amount of regret or worry is going to control the things that are truly out of my control. 

So this is me, picking myself up and dusting myself off.  This is me learning to not let my anxieties and fears get the best of me.   I love the song by Phillip Phillips that says “Settle down, it’ll all be clear.  Don’t pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear”.  Isn’t that the truth! 

If I have learned anything in my little life it is that things can change on a dime….good or bad.  I may be sad and grieving (still) now but each year brings something different and something more that makes me say, I could have never imagined being in this place….I guess that is why it isn’t up to my imagination what direction I go in.  
Now please excuse me while I go read a little Proverbs:)

Monday, September 24, 2012

The Seasons of Life

This time of year is my favorite season but it is also a bad time of year for me.  Most of you know why but in case you don’t, we are fast approaching Cohen’s birth/angel day.  But the past couple of months have brought along with it a nagging and borderline depressed feeling that I just can’t overcome.  I have felt withdrawn and just different.  I am wanting to move at a much faster pace that God or even life is not willing to allow me.  I want what I want and I want it now…..don’t we all. 

I am 32 years old (I seriously had to think about my age).  Now I know that isn’t old but I feel like the early to mid 30’s is that point in your life…you know, the one where you have most everything figured out.  I know that isn’t true and it isn’t the case for everybody but in my mind, that is the way I thought it would be.  There are thoughts of a different home, career, faith and just life in general that have been swirling in my head lately.  I have realized more and more lately that the “family picture” I have had in my head for most of my adult life, isn’t complete but my husband’s “family picture” is complete.  I have a pull toward adoption.  My husband does not.  I am slightly uncomfortable in our new to us home.  My husband is content b/c he grew up here.  I am uneasy that my two kids are growing at a rapid pace.  My husband says it is part of life.   I want to do something.  What that something is, I have no idea! 

I have withdrawn a lot lately.  Withdrawn from friends and family.  It is very easy to do without anyone noticing b/c when you work from home and aren’t forced to be around others…who notices.  I feel very distant and feel like I need to refocus. 

Crying…I have been crying.  Of course it doesn’t help that I have been following the journey of Ty(if you read his mom’s blog, have a Kleenex) as his mom is an open book while navigating a territory that I hope I never ever have to venture in to.  I mean I can’t even think of this boy that I don’t even know without crying.  Every time I see that she has updated the blog, I start crying before it even pulls up on my screen.  I don’t think this is normal for me to feel this way.  I should settle for what I got and feel content that these precious kids that I have are healthy and happy and well provided for.  I should just be OK. 

I have had a hard time accepting that I am leaving the phase of footie pajamas and trading them in for half-grown children.  I have not adjusted well to moving which is insane b/c we literally moved across the yard.  It doesn’t feel like mine and it doesn’t feel permanent.  I am so ready for permanent.  My business does well and keeps me busy but I envision it a different way but I am to stuck in my own thoughts to make that vision come to life. 

I am tired and exhausted 90% of the time and I guess it is totally safe to say that I am feeling lost.   Oh and it is a Monday…a for real true Monday!   

Friday, September 21, 2012

Favorite Thing Friday

I like to shop but I don't like to pay a lot for stuff:)  I think that for favorite thing Friday, it is safe to say that getting a deal on the items is more exciting to me than the actual items.  I just LOVE to get stuff at 1/4 of the original price.  Most of the time I head straight to the clearance area when I walk through the door or a retail shop.
This past week I was guessing that it is time for stores to start marking down some of their summer items.  I didn't find a lot of stuff like I hoped but I am sure there will be lots of mark downs over the next couple of weeks.  Now typically when I go on the sales hunts, it is for my kids stuff.  I would say 90% of my shopping money goes to them.  This means that I have to try even harder to find stuff on sale for myself.

I hate bathing suit shopping.  I mean like really hate it.  I can never find a bathing suit that fits me the way I like.  This summer I kicked it in to high gear with some tummy crunches and leg squats.  We were going to the beach late in the summer and I wanted to be bathing suit ready.  I know I only have a few more years of being age appropriate for a bikini (although my trip to the beach taught me that some women don't care about the cut off).  Speaking of....what is the cut off age for wearing a bikini??
Anyways, I finally found a two piece that I loved and that looked somewhat decent on me.  I didn't find it until about 3 weeks before heading to the beach and once I found it, I had to have it.  I found it at Target of all places.  I had avoided the bikinis all summer but this one actually had just enough coverage.  I paid $17.99 for each piece totaling $35.98 + tax.  Yesterday I stopped by target to do a quick run through the clearance area.  
First thing that caught my eye....clearance bathing suits.  Even better, the style that I fell in love with earlier this summer was marked WAY down. Since it was a different color than the one I already have, I had to have it.  Oh, did I mention that each piece was only $5.38 totaling $10.76 + tax for the whole thing!!!  That is a huge price cut from the $35.98!  
Now I am completely ready for next years trip and I don't even have to spend a ton of money and go on a 3 month search for the perfect bathing suit.  Now if only I can keep the Little Debbie's, chips and coke from adding that tummy back so that I can actually wear it.

Earlier in the week I hit up Cato's clearance racks.  I love Cato's.  As a youngin in high school, I worked at Cato's.  Then I went back and worked there again with my dear friend as my boss right before I met my husband   In fact, it was Cato's and that boss (Chrissy) that got me and him together:)  Any who, I found these two super cute tops for just $3.99 each!  I was so excited b/c they fit perfect and don't let me forget to mention that I had to get a size small instead of a medium like usual.  Did I mention that I love Cato's b/c their clothes are bigger on me than most other places?? 
I will wear these during the winter too with cardigan sweaters or my denim jacket on top.

I always shop out of season for myself and I don't even mind having to wait months before I can wear an item.  Just knowing that I got something cute for a great deal is my favorite thing and helps to cure my craving for shopping!!!!  

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Throwback Thursday!!

I've said it before and I will say it again.....I don't like how much my kids have grown.  I want to make it stop!!!
In honor of throw back Thursday, here is my sweet Rylee back in the day!

And just for comparison, she looks like this now....
I don't like it one bit:(

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Super Ty

A long while ago I stumbled upon a blog about a little boy fighting a hard and long battle.  It caught my attention and grabbed my heart because this precious boy, Ty, is the same age as my little boy.  I have followed the updates on facebook and the heartbreaking and sometimes miraculous blog post that his mom writes.  I don't know these people at all but I have prayed for this child and I have prayed for the heartbreak that this mom is going through.  Her faith is amazing even though her heart is hurting!  

I hadn't checked the blog for a few days until today.  The minute I did and I realized what the newest updates are and I saw his sweet and precious face in that picture, I started to a baby!  

If you do nothing else today, please say a prayer for this precious boy and his family as they walk through territory they have never been in before!
Ty Louis Campbell deserves nothing more than to be lifted up!! 
You can read their blog here (I recommend some tissue)....
You can follow them on facebook here....

Friday, September 14, 2012

I Am That Mom

I have recently come to the conclusion that any mother that doesn't yell and get all crazy on their kids and husband from time to time, must have them locked in a closet with duct tape over their mouths and slides their food to them under the door:)

This morning I was that mom.  You know the one....
she gets up on the wrong side of the bed (late I might add).
She ask for her husband's opinion of whether their child (who had a fever the day before) feels hot and if he thinks he should go to school.
Then she gets all crazy on him when he says he should go to school b/c she is sure that he is only saying that b/c he doesn't want to have to take the daughter to school while mom stays home with the sick son.
Then she checks in to see what her daughter is wearing to school and tells her to change b/c she is wearing one of her mom's t-shirts that is three sizes to big for her.
That daughter then proceeds to get a little sassy which results in the mom  getting all crazy on her and she may or may not of told the daughter that since she doesn't want to wear her own clothes, she will get 3 shirts and one pair of pants to wear the whole winter.
The daughter then cries b/c the mom won't let her pick out her own clothes and given that the mother was yelling at her, she honestly believes that she is only getting 3 shirts and one pair of pants for winter.
The son who looks sick but doesn't have a fever at the moment, insist that he has to go to school today b/c he doesn't want his "friend" (don't call her his girlfriend) Ella to play with any other boys.
But yet she has to once again yell at him to get him to get up off the couch and start getting dressed.
Dad leaves for work in a hurry and tells the son to take him some medicine before he goes to school.

Background....son H.A.T.E.S medicine.  That is both positive and negative.  Positive: hopefully he will never do drugs.  Negative:  he gags to the point of puking when you give him medicine.  He will not take medicine for his mom at all but he will take it for his daddy.  Whatever.

Dad leaves and mom is stuck with a daughter crying b/c she can't be her own person and son crying b/c his dear dad informed him that medicine was in his near future. 
At this point, mom has done nothing to get her own self ready to walk out the door.
She puts brushing her teeth and throwing on jogging pants at the top of the list but nothing else gets done.
She then prepares herself to force her son to take some medicine.
Since there is no time to let him sip it from a medicine cup for the next 30 minutes, she is forced to give it to him on a spoon.
Son is crying and gagging before the medicine is even poured up.
There was this brief moment that he accidentally took his hands away from covering his mouth, had his eyes closed and mouth wide open letting out a nice big cry.
It was now or never people!!!
Mom slips that spoon right in his mouth and the gagging starts but mom doesn't back down.  No she holds his mouth closed so that the medicine has to go down his throat and not all over her kitchen floor.
Medicine is in but the kid is still crying.....GET.OVER.IT.ALREADY!!!
Daughter has walked out the door b/c all the screaming from me and her brother is cutting in to her awesomeness.
Mom grabs a towel (that was probably dirty) to wipe the tears off of the sons face.
 It was at that exact moment while the son stood on her cream colored carpet that he decided to throw up not only the medicine but the grape juice that he had just been drinking.
No worries people, like a superhero in slow motion, mom caught the throw up.
Yes, she caught the throw up.
The son had cried until he threw up.  Did I mention that the medicine had all came up.  15 minutes of fighting with her son, down the drain!!!
Mom walks out the door in the t-shirt she wore to bed last night, no make-up and only half her hair up and it isn't the right half either b/c the stupid lady had her hair cut and now the entire top layer is to short for her beloved ponytail and it requires at least 15 minutes of straightening with her very best straightening iron.
Everybody makes it to the car and mom demands for it to be silent on the car ride.
Son and daughter happily hop out of the car and look like they have had a great morning.
Mom instantly has mother's guilt for all the yelling, rushing and force feeding of medicine.
 Mom then comes straight home and  walks in the door to the phone ringing.
You will never ever guess who it is on the phone.
The school....come pick up your son.  He is sick and has a fever!!!

Friday, September 7, 2012


 I gotta figure out a way to get back here soon:(

Car Repairs.....

My husband is pretty much against car payments.  It is the one thing he hates to pay the most.  He really wants a newer (not new) truck but he just can't bring himself to have a car payment.  My Explorer is a 2003 year model and his truck is even older than that.  Time is not on our side.  I have had my car for about 6 years and the last four years it has been paid for.  Don't get me wrong, it is in pretty good shape but the repairs have been piling up on us lately.
A few months ago the old silver bullet had to have new tires.  So before vacation I went to go get the tires rotated. 
While there I decided to get the oil changed. 
While rotating the tires, the shop discovers that I need both front and back brakes. 
The back drivers side window has not let down for a while now.  Well during all of these cost, Tegan decides to try to let down his window and guess finally let down but wouldn't go back up.  Once we got it up, it wouldn't stay up. 
Then two days before we left for the beach, the compressor goes out in the A/C of the car and almost catches on fire. 
So here is your break down
New tires .....$600
Oil Change.....$38
New Brakes.....$300
Replacing the window motor (or whatever you call it).....$340
Replacing the compressor (or whatever it is called)....over $600
My suggestion was to just go and get a new car but my husband gave me the evil eye when I said that and said "your car should be good to go for a long time now".
Being a grown up sucks sometimes!
So how much money do you put in your old car before giving up and moving on to better things??

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Beach Bums and Blog Makeover

We FINALLY made it to the beach just before the end of summer.  The kids were out for Labor day and then the day after for teacher workday so we decided to play the bad parents and keep them out of school on Friday and head to the beach for five glorious days.  
My husband and kids just had to take a helicopter ride.  I was very anxious about all three of them being in that helicopter but they insisted and they loved it!  I on the other hand kept my feet on the ground and stood there anxious the whole time they were gone! 
I love the picture below.  This is right after they got off the helicopter and they were all so happy!
I did a few beach pictures of the kiddos on the last night.  They were forced in to it and totally miserable the whole time.  I bribed them by telling them they couldn't go back to the pool unless they stood there and looked happy:)
It was a great trip with beautiful weather the whole time.  There was lots of fun playing the ocean except that one day when the waves were rough and I was trying to pretend like I was young.  Paul and I were riding waves with Rylee on boogie boards and I caught a wave that was so awesome, it pulled me right up on to the sand and scrapped my leg and hurt my elbow really bad.  Of course that didn't slow me down until elbow hurts really bad!!!  I'm sure it was a sight to see a 32 year old mother being drug across the sand.  My elbow was bleeding so I went to stick it in the salt water.  Doesn't salt water heal stuff like that?  Anyways, it was really funny because I was joking about how my blood was going to attract sharks and  like ten minutes later the life guards were making everybody get out of the water because a shark was spotted close by.  Ha...I know it had nothing to do with me but it scared my kids and made me laugh:)  I am sure the shark was chasing the people on the banana boats!
So what did I learn at the beach:
1.  I am not as young as I use to be but I am doing better than some!
2.  There is not only a weight limit but also an age limit for when women should stop wearing bikinis.  When we first pulled up to the hotel, there was a lady that was at least in her late 60's standing there in her STRING bikini.  She was not the only old lady that thought she looked good.
3. I shouldn't be boogie boarding.
4. A hotel room gets smaller and smaller the older my kids get.
5.  They let anybody visit the beach and they let them wear what they want!
6.  It is possible to tire Tegan out!!!
7.  Walks on the beach aren't as relaxing as I use to think they were.  Now they seem like work but I have to say that the beach was much easier this year than usual.  The older my kids get the more fun it is.
8.  It is impossible to make both kids happy at the same time.
9.  I just have to throw my germaphobic habits out the window and pray we make it home without being hit by a stomach bug or something worse.  Tegan will touch every single thing and make sure that nasty pool water from every pool enters his mouth.
10.  As always, when I look at the ocean I am reminded of how great and big our God is!  I love feeling renewed and peaceful and the ocean does that for me!
On a different note, as you can see I did a little blog makeover today.  I have played around and played around with this blog all morning.  I wanted something very simple and very clean looking.  I like the new simplicity of this blog so much that I may just do the same on my Cohen Lane blog. 

It feels like the week just started and it is already almost the weekend!  I love weeks like this!