What a difference a year makes...

Tegan's first time putting on real clothes. Some of my favorite first pictures of him!



I have said this saying several times over the past year or two. For those of you who don't know me we spent some time under a dark cloud. Lost our baby at 5 months gestation, two weeks later lost Pauls father, was blessed enough to get pregnant right away and then at 5 months got the news that we were well on our way to losing another boy, and finally Tegan has had many problems since birth. But finally we are overcoming and climbing back up that mountain.
One year ago today I remember several conversations. I remember telling my co-worker (thanks for listening Lauren) that I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop with this pregnancy. I also remember telling her that I felt like I needed to get all my end of the month reports done before going to that ultrasound that day just in case something happened. I guess that was an example of my "power of negative thinking" huh. Paul wasn't coming with me that day b/c we had seen Tegan so many times during ultrasound with the specialist and he needed to work. This was just a routine ultrasound for my regular doctor to get his size and stuff but b/c this was the same point that I got the bad news about Cohen I asked my mom to come. Well I knew I hadn't been feeling good the past several weeks but thought it was just pregnancy with a boy for me. When having the ultrasound I made the comment to the tech that sometimes when he kicks it felt like a foot was going to fall out. She immediately asked me to go empty my bladder and remove my clothes from the waste down. I started to go in to panic mode. I knew this wasn't normal and I couldn't believe this was happening. She checked and measured my cervix and found that I was dilating and then while she had the ultrasound thingy in me she saw my cervix change and get even worse. She said I was having a contraction and didn't even know it. This was probably the second most helpless feeling I have ever felt. I was immediately put in the hospital and then the next day after seeing my Dr. and my specialist, was sent home on strict bed rest and we were just praying for at least 4 to 6 more weeks....wow that would have only been a 24 to 26 week baby....would he survive? Would he be normal? There were so many questions and plenty of time in the bed to think about them. Then 4 days later I just had this gut feeling that something wasn't right. I called my specialist and he told me to get to my Dr. and get checked out just to ease my mind. 30 minutes later I was being told that I had a 50/50 chance I was having the baby that day at 2 days short of 21 weeks pregnant. I was being rushed over to have an emergency cerclage placed and we were just praying that it didn't cause my water to break. Well I have the best Dr. in the world and even my specialist couldn't say enough about him....he placed what he called the best cerclage he had ever done. That day changed the course of my pregnancy. Although the next day I started having some contractions they stopped them with medication and let me go home two days later still on bed rest. I was on modified light duty for the remainder of the pregnancy but I made it to 37 weeks! I was so concerned with the thought of something being wrong with Tegan like with Cohen but then something just popped up and blind sided me. I couldn't believe it. That day when I was having the cerclage I told Paul that I didn't think we were going to make it. Then before being put to sleep I asked for one more second and even as being put to sleep I remember praying for Dr. Elder's hands and for my baby and my body. I said I couldn't go to sleep thinking he wasn't going to make it. You pretty much know how the story ends....
This time one year ago my life was falling apart for the second time in just 7 short months and somehow it all came back together. Now here sits Tegan....teething and ill and won't take a nap even though he has had some Motrin but I just look at him and thank God and know more than any one else I know how blessed I am!