So I am not a very present person. By that I mean I either constantly live in the past or daydreaming of the future. I think in some ways that is the easy way out from not only the big life stresses and events but also a distraction from the day after day daily grind. The past couple of weeks I have been trying to be more present, more present with my husband and more present with my kids. I guess I realized that I wasn't paying attention when a couple of weeks ago I was going through Rylee's book bag and it was just stuffed with all kind of papers that apparently had been in there for some time. That little moment made me think and what it showed me was that I just am not present daily to what needs to be done around here or with my children. I know that sounds stupid that papers in a book bag can tell me that but it did. Maybe there was someone whispering in my ear...whatever it was has had me trying to stay present.
On Sunday mornings at church Rylee has to sit out front for the first half of church before going up to children's church. While we were sitting there I took her hand and held it. It crushed me when I saw the look on her face and how shocked she was when I did that. She is 7 1/2 years old and I can't remember the last time I just held her little hand. Now I know you are thinking that is an exaggeration but it's not b/c as keeping with my trend of not being in the present, I was always thinking of the future and all I think about is what if she has sickness brewing in her and by holding her hand I pick up her germs. Insert self proclaimed germaphobe here! By worrying about what could happen and what may never happen I have somehow missed something with her.
Not only that but we have always rushed and fought through her homework. I notice this year things aren't coming as easy for her as they have in the past so we are breaking up her homework in to two different times. The last thing at night before she goes to bed I am going to sit on her bed with her and working on her homework and discussing school with her. This maybe takes 15 minutes out of my day but even though it is so little for the first few nights I did it all I could sit there and think about was the 100 things I needed to be doing in this house. But I just keep doing it and trying to get it out of my mind. Tonight I didn't think about one other thing but her and even spent more time in her room working with her on her spelling words and some math work. I looked at her at one point and saw this look on her face like she was loving every second. It didn't matter if it was being spent doing homework the point is she was my only focus.
I know it is cliche to say that all the other stuff can wait but it can. Believe me...its still there when I come out of her room:) So daily I keep telling myself to STAY IN THE NOW!