Wednesday, January 6, 2010

BLAME might want to roll your pants up b/c it may get pretty deep in here! I haven't slept well recently and have had lots of stuff on my mind/heart so what better place to put it than here! I'm sure this is the first of many "vent" post.

O.k...go ahead.

So today I was watching a Little TV while eating my lunch and probably three times the same advertisement came on. You know the you, with that lawyer asking if your child was injured during birth and if so it is probably someone else's fault. I don't know why but that commercial just rubs me the wrong way. Not b/c of what they are talking about but about blame in general. I do not believe that there are any accidents. I honestly believe that everything, no matter how small, happens to us because GOD lets it. Maybe I don't believe that our entire path is planned but I do believe the path choices are prepared for us by GOD.
Anyways, my point is this...why when something goes wrong in our lives we are always looking for someone to blame. Don't get me wrong, I'm just as guilty of this as the next guy but why. I will give you a few is when I lost Cohen during pregnancy. Of course that must be my fault because he was in my body and I was responsible for him. Another is when Tegan began to show signs that he wasn't hitting his milestones at first I blamed myself. But then I wanted to blame the medications that they gave me to keep me pregnant when he was trying to make his great escape at just 20 weeks or maybe it was the oxygen that they gave him for five days in the NICU to keep him alive and to prevent organ and brain damage. My point can anyone be to blame for things that happen day to day in our lives. I am in my situation because it is "THE SITUATION" that I am suppose to be in at that time no matter how small the lesson is. I didn't ask for the bad things that have happened in my life but I do feel that if I don't try to learn something and take something away from it then the whole bad thing happened for no reason. Look at it this way, I wanted to blame Tegan's issues on something (anything) but yet the things (besides myself) that I was blaming it on are all things that helped him. I mean, had they not given me those medicines or put me to sleep and did surgery then I would have almost definitely lost him. I mean I would rather have him just the way he is than not at all although I must say he is a perfectly healthy guy who happens to have a very small vision issue. As far as losing Cohen...well at this point I still don't feel like GOD has used me and the purpose of that situation but I do whole heatedly believe that at some point in the near future he will. I'm still trying to recover on a day to day basis of being forced to trade one son for the other because had I had Cohen, I wouldn't have Tegan right now! And I have to tell you one thing...I wouldn't trade that Tegan for anything (or my sweet Rylee either)!
Don't take this post as that it is just about children or losing children, it is about everything. Are you unemployed....who is to blame for that. You didn't walk in and ask your company to downsize just as your company didn't ask it's customers to fall off the map just as those customers didn't ask for rough economic times. I think you get the picture.
I guess what I am saying is that the way you think may make or create your situation. Should you do this or should you do that. The what ifs are constant in my head as I am sure they are in yours. But letting go of things is a goal (resolution) I have and I can already tell this is going to be a rough one. I am tired of blaming others for my (our) situation....Are YOU?

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