Things have been changing in my mind and heart a lot lately. There have been some positive changes and some feelings of God changing me. There are so many different things going on in my life right now...kids, husband, friends, house, food, school, myself, sewing, photography, church, family, family drama...just to name a few. I am very guilty of getting overwhelmed and taking out my frustrations on others who may not have a clue what my day, week or month has been like. For Example...the lady at the grocery store checking me out and taking her time doing so, has no idea that I have just spent an hour in the grocery store fighting a kid who likes to through public tantrums and has to pee but refuses to use a public restroom all while forgetting something I needed that was all the way on the other side of the store. So excuse me if your chipper and very very slow motions are not exactly thrilling me! I digress...sorry! Anyways, my point is that we don't always think to see the other side of other's. We think they are being rude when really they are having a bad day. We think that they are not well off b/c they don't drive a nice car when really they are choosing to live simple. We think that they must be horrible parents b/c their child has on a pink top with red pants and flip flops that are to small for them when really they are letting their child explore doing things on their own. Judging is a part of us, a part of me and a part of human nature. But recently when I have went to have a judging thought about what is usually a total stranger, something different happens. It seems to be happening atleast once a day and feels a little like someone literally knocking me in the back of the head. Now it could just be a brain tumor but I'm pretty sure it is just God smacking me around a little and tell me to step away from the judgemental thought. The other day I was sitting in my class at school. On lab day I set at the end of the table where I can see all the way down a really long hall. From a distance I saw this girl come up the hall. She was a large girl and I could tell that her shirt was no where near long enough to cover her stomach. My first judgemental thought was to think what on earth was going through that girls head when she got dressed this morning...does she not own a mirror?? But then as she got closer I could see that she was pregnant, VERY pregnant. She is in the duck walking phase of her pregnancy...that's not a judgement, I've duck walked a few times in my day:) About the time I realized she was pregnant, BAM..something knocks me in the head and says she may be huge pregnant, uncomfortable, not able to afford clothes that fit, not dressed the way I would dress before leaving the house but here she was showing up for her college class in hopes to better herself! She could have choose to leave school behind her when she found out she was pregnant or even that morning when she was getting ready and felt so uncomfortable that she couldn't breath but yet she was at school that day...making it through another day.
I guess you can say that the smacks in the back of the head have been "walk a mile in their shoes" moments. No one person does things like the other but yet we all judge b/c shouldn't everyone do things like I do? We find the bad and never even think there could be good or there could be tragedy in that person's life. I remember after I lost Cohen, I was ill all the time. Short fused would be a proper word. I was not cheerful or pleasant and wanted to slap those around me that could laugh and smile during a time like this...even those that didn't know me or have a clue of my situation. I just buried my infant son, HOW DARE THEY LAUGH!!! I truly believed I would never ever laugh or enjoy my life again but that was my path and thank you LORD that he had a different path laid ahead for me. I remember wanting to buy a tshirt saying "I just buried my infant son so please don't smile at me". Today I want a tshirt that says "I have a son waiting on me in Heaven with the Lord...what do you have to look forward to". This is not suppose to be about Cohen but sometimes it is just about Cohen. Anyways my point is this...STOP JUDGING, BLAMING, and NOT BELIEVING IN THE GOOD IN PEOPLE! Every time you see some kid dressed all crazy and you start to assume she must be poor b/c her parent's can't afford clothes that match...stop and think about how she must be creative and have an eye for color. The next time you go to judge b/c someone doesn't live in a house as nice as yours, stop to think about how much they pay for that house every month and how much more you pay for your super nice house. You just never know what is on the other side of a person or situation!