Friday, September 18, 2009

This Is All That I Can Say Right Now...

This is all that I can give! there a better song than All that I can say by the David Crowder band. If you don't know it just click HERE and listen to it on You Tube. I heard this song sometime after the lose of my son almost three years ago. I think it pretty much says it all. When dealing with grief you get tired and you just feel all given out. Recently I have been feeling a pull. It's a pull to use my lose or experience for someone else....anyone else, no one in particular. My church has what they call communion meditation every Sunday. It is where someone other than the preacher comes to the front of the church and speaks briefly. They can read something or whatever they choose. Well I have felt like this is something I should do for a while. I told God that maybe I would do it around Cohen's birth/death day only if it was on a Sunday...maybe I should have checked the calendar before saying that b/c guess what....October 4 (Cohen's birth/death) falls on a Sunday. I am not a public speaker. My voice gets shaky, I start to sweat and I feel like I could vomit at any second. Heck, I feel that way lots of times when I am not speaking in front of people so how on this earth could I do this. Rylee, my daughter, will sing Amazing Grace that day in front of the church. That's right, I will send my child up there to do something in front of the church but I can't gather up the courage to go speak briefly. What would I say? Would it come to me the night before? Would God calm my heart and my anxiety that day? Do I do it? Do I not? Would I cry...I don't want to cry in front of everyone. I don't know just maybe This is all that I can say right now!

One more thing...I hear you can download this song now on itunes!

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