Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Guilty Mommy...

Things have been busy lately. There doesn't seem like there has been any down time. I am still hanging on at the job but to be honest I would have probably quit after the first weekend if I wasn't so worried about burning bridges with the hospital. I thought that working weekend nights would be perfect and actually it is working out great to be bringing in a paycheck again and still be able to be home during the week for the kids. The one thing I didn't factor in was the fact that I feel dead for the first three days after working all weekend and by the time I recover it is pretty much time to go back!
Twice since I have started this job, Tegan has fell while playing outside when I was either at work or sleeping. Both times he scrapped up his knees pretty bad and both times when he was telling me all about it he informed me that he was crying and calling out for me and he wanted to know why I didn't come!!!! Literally broke my heart. I have also had some problems with Ry adjusting to the new schedule. Weekend before last she started crying when she saw me getting ready for work. She cried for the next 45 minutes b/c she didn't want me to leave.
I know it takes time for everyone to adjust but I'm not sure my body will ever catch on. I worked last Sat and Sun nights 7p to 7a. Well I don't get much sleep on Monday's b/c I have to get Teg from preschool and I want to be able to sleep Monday night. So far, no matter how little I sleep during the day, Monday night sleep is not a success. Anyways, last Tuesday I apparently slept while my alarm clock went off for an hour and a half and the phone was ringing off the hook. The only thing that woke me up was Teg coming to tell me the phone keeps ringing. I was to late to get him to preschool so we ended up having a VERY lazy day at home. I think it is safe to say that Mon, Tues and Wed. are a total wash every week.
Another sad note is that I can't seem to make it to church. I am so tired when I come home that I change clothes and go straight to bed. There is no eating, no TV watching, no nothing. I'm just tired!!!!
It has been very hard for me and really had my mind going. Wondering if I am making the right career choice or what I should do with my life. Some days I am pretty sure that the good Lord just brought me to this job to show me that I have been choosing & pushing my path instead of following the path he holds for me. But then when I think about what I have been trying to go to school for I get excited and really want to pursue it. I guess the best question is....Do some people ever figure out what they want to be when they grow up???

1 comment:

  1. Aww Tabatha! I have felt like this every day for the last almost 11 years- pretty much since I had Weldon. Working all day and coming home only to cook, clean, and do bath/bed time is so exhausting and I feel like I get my kids whey they are the most GROUCHY! I feel like I never get time for me- at work I teach so I can barely go pee much less think about what I should have laid out for dinner the night before!

    I so understand. My hubby works nights so I understand that part as well- though I have not gone through it- he tells me I will never understand how much it screws up his nights and days!!!

    Love ya