I really have no idea if that title means the same to some as it does me but what I mean by it is that sometimes I feel a push to do something and then I feel a pull back to not do it. It is very hard to figure out if the push is the devil or God or if the pull back is God or the devil. There are lots of things going on and lots of decision making.
1. I have felt a push (along with my husband) to try another church but every time we decide to do it something gets in our way and our hearts pull us back. As a kid when I would go to church with my friends and all the adults knew that kids name I always wanted to be that kid. I wanted to be the kid that all the grown ups knew but I never was b/c we didn't go to church growing up. I love our church, I love our preacher and I love that everybody knows everybody and especially that I can trust them with my kids. I do however lack a fire...not sure what it is but I'm just not getting it.
2. I have committed with hundreds of hours of class time to pursue a career in the medical field. I feel like that is what I am suppose to do but then I will feel that pull back. The pull that tells me that I will work odd hospital shift hours and will miss some holidays and some of my kids events. Then I will feel the push that tells me this is something I have always wanted to do and the bonus of making great money doesn't hurt. See my dilemma??
3. Teg and preschool. At this point we are paying a large amount of money for him to go to preschool from 8 to 12 everyday. In fact we are paying $300 which is worth every penny b/c this is the very best preschool ever. The problem is that I am not really doing anything in the mornings and there is really nothing to justify sending him instead of saving that $300 a month. I'm very indecisive about this one. I feel the push to send him and the pull to be able to afford to eat:)
What got me thinking today about the push and pull issues in my own life is that when I was leaving class this afternoon I saw a little boy about 5 or 6 sitting in the car with the schools security guard there and a policeman just waiting. I realized what was happening right off the bat. Someone just went in to class and left their kid in the car. My first concern was for the boy. He looked scared but even more so worried while he kept getting up on his knees to look out the window for his mom, dad or caretaker. I have been in classes before where people have had no other choice but to bring their kid(s) with them to class but I have also been in classes before where a big test was coming up that you can't miss and the teachers refused to let someone bring their kid in so they could take the test. I'm sure people feel this with their jobs...if your in a tough spot you feel like you have to go to work to stay in good standing at your job but at the same time if your kid gets sick or they don't have school that day they really need you. There are lots of classes at my college that you can miss and be fine but there are also lots of classes that if you miss just one you will never catch up. I should have sat and waited on the persons reaction when they came out and saw the police standing by their car with their child in it but I didn't. I would never leave my kids in the car to go to class but I do see how it happens. Lots of people are quick to judge someone for doing that but here you have someone going to school and trying to do better to provide for their kids and has no other option b/c around here school is still out today so they couldn't very well send them to school while they went to class. Its all about the sacrifices we have to make and also how we don't know other people situation so we should take a moment to feel sympathy and not anger toward others!