Sunday, October 17, 2010

Nothing stays the same...

On this date 4 years ago we were just two short weeks out from burying our infant son when my husband's dad had a heart attack and passed away while my husband and his sister desperately performed CPR on him. I remember it like it was yesterday....they had taken us in to the hospital room to see him after he was pronounced dead. I started to feel like I would vomit but not at the sight but at the thought that he could possibly be gone. I went outside the hospital and was just standing there in shock. It was raining. When Paul came out I remember that desperate feeling of wanting to help him. He had on a hooded sweatshirt and had told me to wait there while he went to get truck. I watched him drop his head, pull his hood over his head, stick his hands in his pockets and slowly walk away. My husband's dad was his best friend...the one and only male that he could ever count on in his life. If he was going to do something manly he didn't call friends he called his dad. He held it together pretty good the next day or two. The morning of his funeral he looked at me and told me he couldn't believe he was getting ready for his dad's funeral.
Starting this day four years ago we had to figure out how to grieve for my husband's dad and our son. Standing by a casket at the funeral home that had a line that went out the door and through the town of people wanting to pay their respects was exhausting. The viewing was from 6 to 9 but the line was finally slowing down somewhere around 10. The worst part was that most people that had heard about our son was paying their respects for both. Over and over we heard how sorry they were for my father-in-law's passing and the passing of our infant son. It was a double whammy to say the least.
My husband struggled for probably the next two years after this day. He didn't want to talk, he didn't care and he wasn't really here mentally. But that didn't matter to me, I was determined to stand by my man. Not that it wasn't hard and that there weren't moments of doubt that we would survive but we did. I honestly believe that if our marriage can survive October 06, it can survive anything.
My husband takes care of me...always has but this was the one point in our marriage that he needed me to carry him. So I did. He is so much like his daddy and Tegan is proving to have the same gene pool as the two of them. They like to pick on people for fun, stubborn as ever and determined. I love my husband with all my heart and am so proud of him for how he has fiercely came back to us and is better than ever!!!

"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great Joy" Jude 24

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