Monday, May 16, 2011

Stupid Girl...

Maybe that title is a little harsh but that is how I have been feeling the past few months. I decided over three months ago to apply for a weekend nights job at the hospital. It was only Sat. and Sun. and this stupid girl was sure that it would be the perfect fit for our family. I thought I could make a contribution to my family but still be able to be off all week for my kids. Stupid Stupid Girl!!!
First off let me clarify that I worked with some really awesome people. I worked with the same crew every weekend and when else do you sit for 24 hours in a tiny room and just talk to each other?? We watched heart rhythms of up to 32 patients each. The room was the size of a walk-in closet with no air and a camera on us at all times. We could not leave our computers or look away from our screens without relief. Sometimes we would sit in those chairs in front of the computer for 4 or 5 straight hours without getting up for so much as a bathroom break or cup of water. That makes for a very very long 12 hour night shift. But the job wasn't the biggest issue b/c really we get paid good money to do what we do. The problem was my family. Although my husband will not admit it to others, he hated the work schedule and the affect that working night shift had on me. Sometimes it would take me to Wed. to recover from my workend. Anyways my husband and I became very short tempered with each other and then the kids were just so upset when I couldn't come to stuff with them during the day on Sat. or Sun b/c I had to sleep.
Stupid Girl for thinking this was a good idea! What is worse is that both kids would be so upset if something happened while I was gone and I wasn't here for them b/c they are use to that. For example, Tegan would fall and say he called for me and ask me why I didn't come help him. BROKE.MY.HEART!!!!
Luckily my husband is super awesome and wasn't going to make me stay at a job I was miserable at. So here I am back to being a stay at home/work from home mommy! I can not even believe that I am typing that as the last few months have put such a burden on me and I was a little worried that I was going to be stuck there. This morning when I walked out those hospital doors at around 7:00 am, I was doing cartwheels. OK...maybe not cartwheels b/c I am to old for that but I was doing them in my mind.
The point is that I needed to put my family first and this was what was best for my family and me....maybe not my bank account. I prayed a lot before I made the decision and this was the direction I felt like I should go in. The bottom line is that I have been going to school the past two years in hopes of going in to the medical field but now the hours, holidays and not much flexibility has me questioning my path. So I have just done what I felt like I needed, wanted and had to do and now I am just praying that it is all laid out before me in his time. Maybe I still will go in that direction but not in a hospital or maybe I won't. Either way I whole hearted believe that something amazing and more than I could ever imagine is about to happen in my life and that just gives me butterflies!!! It is a blessing to be excited and know that more blessings are coming my way! Stupid Girl no more:)

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