Thursday, July 29, 2010

That Loving feeling

Tonight I was watching my newest addiction favorite show, Boston Medical, where they were showing a baby being born and another newborn having to have heart surgery. I always get cold chills when I see a baby being born (not in real life b/c I haven't actually done that except for myself but on TV). You can almost smell that sweet baby right through the TV screen. But the real reason it tugs at my heart strings is if you watch the family around that baby...all is right in the world. The parents have never felt more connected than they are at that moment and I can literally feel that feeling coming back to me just b/c someone else on TV had a baby. It has to make me wonder that if we could take that feeling, bottle it up and pull it out when our husband's get on our nerves or vice versa, would the divorce rate be so high?? I was put to sleep for Rylee's birth so I don't have that moment with her. But I remember my husband literally holding me the moment Cohen came out and still remember how proud he was the minute Tegan arrived safely. Watching him made me happy. Feeling what he was feeling at the exact moment in time and being overcome with love for our new child connects you. But the problem is that the everyday grind starts to take over and stress pounds on a marriage just waiting on the other shoe to drop. It is impossible to hold on to that feeling all the time but if every once in a while you have something that brings that feeling back to you even for a moment then you are in a good place.
I'm using birth as an example but I am sure that there are so many other moments that can bring that connection. I've felt that when watching my husband the morning he lost his dad. He had on a hooded sweatshirt and it was raining. We were leaving the hospital shortly after his dad had died and I watched him cover his head with his hood, stick his hands in his pockets and walk to get the truck for me (I was only two weeks out from delivering Cohen) and I remember thinking "that man is really going to need me" and boy did he. I know that we didn't always handle the amount of grief that we had at that time well but I do know that he stands by me and I stand by him.
Some of the best relationships fall apart but some of the most challenged relationships that stand strong are what counts. People change and as humans that is hard for us to accept but we have to let it and leave room to grow. Just think of that moment when you gave birth, lost a love one, watched your spouse be hurt or had them support you when you were hurt and try to remember that is never to late to get that back! It is not always about feelings in the moment but more about the moments you have been through together!

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