I am trying very hard to teach my kids to not let the difficulties of life control them and make them become bitter. As morbid as it sounds, I tell Rylee (Tegan doesn't get it yet) often that if something devastating ever happens to me, the very last thing I want for her to do is become angry and a victim of her situation. It is just amazing at what God teaches us through challenges and triumphs.
To say that I have ever felt angry over having to bury my baby boy would be a stretch but a victim would be an understatement. I had to learn to not be a victim because I lost something that was truly never mine. My whole life changed that day. In the past couple of years I decided that I would let that sweet boy's brief time change me but not define me and that is exactly what I pray for every day. Every prayer that I pray, I praise God for this baby. I praise God that he let me borrow him, I praise God that he took him so that he never knew a life without the goodness of heaven, and I praise God that he got me through it.
It is amazing to me at how fast 7 years has flown by. There was a point when I was holding this boy that I closed my eyes and prayed for it to be a year from then because time would be the only thing that would make it better. The thing is, I have adjusted and I do very very well for what I have been through but every single day of my life, there is a piece of me missing. Every family picture, every family trip, every day....there is just something missing and that will never change for me no matter what I do to fill that void. But you know what, I survive those days, months and all 7 of these years. I still cry from time to time. I still wonder. I still look at Tegan and wonder if Cohen is somewhere inside of him or would have been just like him because let's face it, all those Minish boys are one in the same....I know, I'm raising one and married to one:)
To the boy that will forever be my baby....
We are another year closer to each other. I have never looked forward to anything more than I do getting to see you again one day!