Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Forever Changed....

On this day, five years ago, I said hello and good bye to my precious baby boy. Today I feel peaceful, sad, blessed, and raw. In the past five years I have been up and down. I have been in and out of every emotion you can imagine. Time may have helped me learn to deal with things but time sure hasn’t made me forget!

Today I am experiencing some sort of writers block.  My flow for words, especially on this subject, seems to be totally blocked.  I have prayed hard for the past few days for a peaceful and numb day today...I think the good Lord gave me exactly what I asked for.  Yes, I have cried, hurt and been sad but I have also laughed, worked and went on with my normal everyday stuff.  My God has blessed me with exactly what I needed today! 

Dear Cohen,

Today I am closer to seeing you again than I have ever been before. Today is my day to cry. This is the time that I let myself go back and remember every detail of the worst week of my life. I still ache and long for you every day. When I close my eyes I can see you, smell you and feel you! Most importantly today I want to tell you that you are one of my biggest blessings ever. All of my kids have taught me things but the wisdom I have gained from your tiny little life….that wisdom overflows all other.  You forever changed me and I continue to learn from you daily!  I have found peace with your passing but that hasn’t taken away my hurt for you.  Today I am fine with the fact that you are celebrating on the knee of Jesus instead of my own.  Today I love you as much as I ever have.
Love, Your Mommy

Cohen Minish, Oct .04 2006
by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though often My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."
 I wouldn't change a thing and couldn't imagine my life going any other way! 
 He knew exactly what I needed in this life....all three of my children!!


  1. Thinking and praying for you today Tabitha. You have a great outlook on life and your faith is so encouraging. x

  2. Thanks for sharing your heart and your faith.