I have noticed lately that Rylee is at that point....the point where she is no longer my "little" girl. I was talking to her the other night and told her that the thing I am going to miss the most about her growing up is the cuddle time and her hugging me. I mean, you don't see a lot of grown daughters hugging on their mom's, spooning each other in the bed at night to talk about their day or holding each others hands while walking through a parking lot:( I even went to a new level of morbid when I told her that when I am on my death bed, no matter how old she is, I want her to crawl in the bed with me and just lay with me. I can't think of anything more peaceful.
She doesn't really need me for much these days. She even takes care of her dog 100% of the time that she is at home with no prompting from me. She doesn't need me to dress her or pick out all of her clothes anymore. She can pack her own lunch. She does all her homework all by herself. She is just so grown up. Sometimes I don't notice how much she has grown up b/c my little boy still clings to me like glue but even he has started to stop me from doing things for him with the words "I can do it mama, I'm a big boy now".
I read a lot of blogs. All of them are about the busy lives of mom's with their little ones and they are still adding to their families. There isn't a lot of blogs out there about how other mothers transition from little kids to half grown little people. I'm sure there are books about it but I like to read the real life stuff. Let me just say this, I am looking for the silver lining and on most day, I have found it. It is so sad and breaks my heart but at the same time it is really nice that Rylee's two favorite chores are unloading the dishwasher and folding her own laundry....the two chores I dislike the most:) Did I mention that she now sets her own alarm in the mornings and is up getting ready before I even get out of bed. If she needs something, she just handles it. I'm not going to lie....that is nice!
I had Rylee when I was 22 years old and Tegan when I was 27. Sometimes I use to regret that I started my family so young (yes we had her that early on purpose) but now I look at my perfect little family and my cup runs over. I couldn't imagine what life would be like if I had waited to have kids until later. My oldest sibling is 12 years older than me (her name is Shannon:). She has 6 kids ranging from 22(?) to a soon to be 4 year old. I love to mess with her and remind her all the time that I will only be 45 when my youngest graduates high school.....she will be 45 when her youngest starts Kindergarten:) I think she secretly hates me for that reminder that I give her often but I think she still loves me b/c I am her sister.
I think that right now, I feel more content than I ever have. It is crazy but someone said something to me back in October of last year that clicked with me and stayed with me. I was at a housewarming party when a young old friend of mine, Amanda said something that I have reminded myself of everyday. She talked about how turning 30 wasn't bad for her b/c she decided that it wouldn't be. She said that she reminded herself that she was comfortable in her marriage, was done having her kids, settled in her career and that she was going to enjoy her 30's b/c she didn't have to worry about all that stuff....she could just be happy! She doesn't realize it but when she said that I was at a bad place mentally. My wants for more in my life were flooding out my appreciation for the things that are already here. Do I have everything I want in my life, heck no but for right now, I have what I need. I get the pleasure of watching these little babies grow and turn in to people. I have a wonderful husband that has been sent here to drive me crazy everyday and I love it. I am healthy and feel pretty good. Why would I dwell on all that other stuff.
I know that what has helped me the most is just handing it over in my prayers. I just praise God everyday for what I have and pray that he lets me see the blessings in my life. I have no idea what God has in store for me in the future but I know this, it could be more of the same or some really big and awesome stuff, either way, my life is good!!!!