A Friday Funny!

INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and Noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance,
Particularly in the flower and jewelry applications,
Which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable Programs,
such as: Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5,
And then installed undesirable programs such as: NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1
Also Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 Simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 To fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML and
Try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to Install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run The applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application Can cause Husband 1.0
to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program That will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will Eventually seize control of all your systems resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported Applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program,
But it does have limited memory and cannot learn New applications quickly.
You might consider Buying additional software to improve memory And performance.
We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck!
Tech Support