Time nothing but time...

Sometimes I feel like the world (by that I mean my kids) think I have nothing but time on my hands. Mommy I'm hungry, mommy I want juice, cry for bottle, cry with dirty diaper, etc....
Well lately I do have a little more time on my hands. Things have worked out (by that I mean I'm going in a different direction as my part time job)so that I get to be home with the children for the summer. This is especially nice b/c this is Rylee's last summer before big kid school and it is nice to be home with her. But so far I can't tell that I am getting any more done than before.
Last weekend Paul went and bought a baby pool for the kids. Since it was really hot on Memorial Day I decided to see how Tegan and Rylee would like it. I spent 20 minutes dragging it around the house trying to figure out exactly where I wanted to put it so that the sun wasn't shining directly on Tegan but yet I could sit very close by to him (without getting in) and still get a little sun. Then I spent another 10 minutes rounding me up a chair, propping up an umbrella over Tegan's side, and finding them some toys that were age appropriate for both a five year old and nine month old...that part may have taken a little longer. Then I spent another five minutes filling the pool up. Another 20 minutes getting on swimsuits and sunblock. Finally we are in the pool.....18 minutes later....They have had enough! So let's recap, close to an hour to get prepared for 18 minutes of pure fun!
They did love it and Tegan took a face first dive a few times so I guess it was worth it. Rylee starts swimming lessons this coming week so she will get lots of pool time.

Jump around

Friday afternoon after Paul left to go to his second job around four, I decided to be brave and me and the children went to Ingles to the bank and to get groceries alone. I say alone b/c that is how I felt. As I started off with my baby in the cart (with a buggy cover of course) and my 5 1/2 year old I quickly noticed that I was all alone with a baby who hates to ride in a shopping cart so therefor you either give him a bag of unopened chips to play with or he screams the whole way and another child who decided that since she is out of school for the summer she needed everything in the store to eat. Oh don't worry about the chips...I always take back the ones that Tegan has played with and get myself a fresh bag. Anyways, as I was trying to cut our usual grocery bill in half, Rylee was steadily throwing food in the cart without me knowing. So needless to say I spent the same amount of money as always....plus I think I forgot to switch my chips!
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Saturday morning we got out of bed early (8:00 am) and went over to the lake where my mom and step dad were camping. This was so exciting to me b/c this is the first time in two years we could do this b/c of Paul's dad being sick summer before last and me being home bound pregnant last summer. Despite keeping up with a 22 lb baby and hitting at 100's of flies and the boat deciding to break just for us, it was still a pretty good day. Oh...until my crazy brother showed up with 8 of his dearest redneck, middle aged friends (my brother is 22). Which didn't really bother us except when it rained for a minute and they came up and took over all the chairs outside the camper. Still mom cooked a good meal and we enjoyed that with a side of flies.
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Today we went to church. I am trying to trick or help Teggie's ease in to staying in the church nursery. Those who know me know what a huge step this is as I don't usually let people within five feet of my child much less touch him and take care of him (that's the germaphobia talking). But I was brave and half way through church carried him up there and he did great! Wait, I think I forgot to mention that I stayed there right behind him the whole time where he could hear my voice. But hey...it was a different room that he had never been in before! Him and Kailey (my best friends little girl) sat on blankets in the floor and stole toys from each other. It was very cute. Neither cared if the other one took their toy just as long as they could reach a toy that the other one had. Then we went and got lunch and came home....I can't remember what I did the rest of the day.
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Tomorrow I think we will be going to a cookout at my dad's. See my dad is like a teenager and frequents a local club. When I say frequent I mean if he isn't there by a certain time on Friday and Saturday nights, the employees and other regulars start to worry and call to check on him. So why am I always surprised that 50 of his closest friends end up coming to our small family cookouts. My hopes are that doesn't happen tomorrow but my hopes have been crushed before.
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I leave you with an awesome video of my sweet little guy getting his exercise. I think one to many people have called him fat and he has decided to do something about it with a little exercise.

Short clip

I only caught a short clip of her singing but you can hear her well in the microphone. Now that I can post videos again I will have to catch up on some recent ones.

Show stopper as always!

Rylee has attended a small private Christan preschool the past two years called the busy box. She has loved going to this school as have we. They teach them so much and also have things like bible time, how to pray, etc. Last night my little lady graduated from preschool. It's so hard to believe that she is going to be in big kid school next year.(that's what she calls it) Last night 32 kids from her class stood up in front of a packed house of parents and family members and put on a great show. Together as a class they said bible verses that are so long it is unbelievable that they can remember them. Each and every child had a short little speaking part but a few did parts and led the class in songs. Rylee's part was to say "We have learned three songs about our country this year" then she was the leader of all three of those songs which meant that although everyone else was singing, she was singing in the microphone so you could hear her so good. She was amazing. I have no idea where she got that courage from to do that in front of all those people. She was singing as loud as she could and it still sound good. She wasn't the slightest bit shy. I was so proud of her.
I also must report that we sat Tegan down between us and let him play and he didn't make the first sound for the whole 45 minutes! I have two great kids!

To tell or not to tell...

One of the things that people most compliment Rylee on is her eyes. I am starting to notice the same thing with Tegan. But I wonder when people compliment him on having such pretty big eyes do I just say thank you or do I blurt out...thanks but he has nystagmus, which is a vision impairment that makes his eyes move constantly from side to side. I mean do other people, complete strangers, notice his eye movement or not. Do they see it and say he has pretty eyes b/c he does or b/c they notice something different and are trying to open the door for me to explain what is happening. See to us his eyes don't move all that bad anymore, it has definitely improved but we aren't sure it looks to much better b/c we are use to it or b/c it really is less noticeable. He has what I call a flirting look which is when he looks back at you with his chin down toward the floor and cuts his eyes up at you. It is so cute and people love it when he does it. They think it is his character but I have started to notice that it isn't him being a character at all but yet a place where he can hold his eyes and have no movement at all which is called a null point. His null point can change many times between now and 8 or 9 years old. Depending on where it ends up at he may have to have surgery to literally turn his eyeballs b/c the big problem with null points is that they are usually to the left or right and they have to cock their heads which could give their head a permanent tilt. But so far his is more straight forward and he doesn't always have to tilt his head but most of the time he does.
Which leads me to the next question...when people ask how old is he and I say 9 months old and they say "Oh is he crawling and getting in to everything yet?" Even though I know that Rylee wasn't even crawling at 9 months old, do I say no not yet or do I say, he has had a developmental delay and goes to therapy to catch up.
This all comes from when people ask me how many kids do I have, do I say two or three?
When they ask if we are having more do I say no b/c we buried one baby and almost lost the next one not to mention the third child has had lots of medical problems and oh by the way he has a vision impairment called nystagmus and has some developmental delays that we are working on.
After re-reading this I think the best answers are thank you for the eyes, no not yet for the crawling, three for the kids without elaborating and nope we are blessed to have one of each on the kid thing. It seems less stressful!

Sick Couch round 347....

We are back to the sick couch. Tegan has now came down with a fever. For my mom this morning he did a lot of crying...lucky for me...oh I mean so far for me this afternoon he has done a lot of sleeping. He has a Dr.'s appointment at 3:15, wish him and me luck!

The sick couch

My "sick couch" has been used up and needs to be thrown out with the trash after the past couple of weeks we have had. First it all started with Tegan and an ear infection, then went to Paul with awful allergies (which he still has, two weeks and counting), me with an upset stomach and then on to Rylee with a very long lasting strange fever.
Rylee likes to lay on our loveseat when she is sick. One time I called it the sick couch and now she thinks that if the slightest thing is wrong she needs to sleep or lay on the sick couch. It actually works well b/c she brings some of her toys on it and has everything she needs right there so she doesn't get up.
Well Thursday night (more like Friday morning) I was having a blissful dream, which I still can't remember, when I started coming out of it I realized I was having a real life conversation with Rylee and obviousley was not listening to what she was saying b/c she was trying to tell me she didn't feel good and I was saying something completely different so she just stopped talking an began to cry. (that was a long sentence) Anyways, she was telling me that she was really hot and sweating and I felt of her and noticed that she was ice cold. I thought she too was having a crazy dream and I walked her back to her bed. That gut instinct woke up and kicked in and I decided to lay with her for a minute and as I was laying there with my hand touching her leg her entire body went from cold to hot in like 30 seconds. I immediately moved her to the sick couch more for my benefit b/c what germaphobe wants to lay in the same bed as a sick child. Atleast when she is on the sick couch I can lay on the other couch and not be breathing her germs directly into my lungs. So I gave her tylenol and a cold rag and laid down. About five minutes later she threw up or as she corrected me while the throw up was coming out...she vomitted. It was not a horrible throw up but it was throw up none the less. She then came back to the couch and she went straight to sleep as I laid there feeling nauseas surely that the stomach virus was going to be hitting me any second. Well it didn't and she slept all night without anymore more "vomitting". All day Friday and all day today she had nothing more wrong with her than a high fever. I was giving her tylenol and motrin every three hours around the clock but that was only keeping her temp down to around 101 most of the time. I took her to the on call doctor this morning only to have him tell me to give her tylenol and motrin every three hours around the clock. Oh and he tested her for strep even though her throat didn't hurt or look red and tested her urine just so that she could pee on my hand....or just so he could charge us for something, same difference. Anyways by around 6:00 or a little later tonight her fever subsided and she suddenly went from tired looking Rylee to taking two days worth of energy that she had lost and trying to cram it in to the last two hours before her bed time. I think she talked for a solid two hours! She, as was I, was very sad b/c we had to miss Allie's birthday party. Don't worry Heidi, she will get her gift b/c her name is embroidered on it and she is the only Allie I know.(Ha! I'm just kidding...I know Heidi just missed my company and not the gift) I am starting to think that Rylee just got sick like that on purpose to pretty much screw up my weekend but whatever the reason she was successful at it.

This next week will be her very last week of preschool. She graduates on Thursday night and she is very excited to take a little summer break b/c she hasn't had a break since starting in the three year old class. I will probably be posting a mushy post about that later so beware. Sorry no pictures tonight!

Tired Arms....

I must say that I had the best Mother's Day ever. Paul let me sleep in, then I was awakened by Paul and the kids with breakfast in bed and it wasn't cereal. Then we got ready for church. Afterward we went to both our mothers to visit. In the meantime Paul had let me pick out a new dress to wear (which Tegan spit up on), gave me money and Rylee picked me out a pretty photo album all by herself. She also managed to make me 9 mothers day cards. She was so excited and all in to loving on me and making me feel so special. It was great. I didn't get a whole lot of pictures though, I just didn't think much about it.
Last year mothers day for me was bittersweet. I wanted to celebrate with Rylee but yet it was not only my first mothers day since losing Cohen but I was also only 23 weeks pregnant and had already been on bed rest and had a cerclage. I still had so many fears that I wasn't going to have my sweet boy with me this year. Needless to say it was a challenging day last year. No one can ever prepare you for what you feel after losing a baby. Somehow every day and especially every holiday becomes so much harder. Saturday evening we went up to the cemetery to place a new flower on Cohen's grave. For me it is difficult that the only time all of my children are together is at a cemetery. Paul made the statement at some point yesterday that I had 2 children in 5 years and I corrected him by saying that I had 3 children in five years and he said he meant living children. See to me the fact that Cohen died at birth does not make him any less of a child to me. He is still my child and I was still physically and emotionally connected to him. I sometimes stop and look at Tegan and know that had I had Cohen and everything been fine then I would have not had Tegan. Sometimes I get confused and consider Tegan as Cohen that was given back to me. It's all so difficult to separate and process.
But yesterday was not nearly as difficult as it could have been had I buried two babies. I still remember that feeling after losing Cohen...They told me to get an epidural right away b/c it makes it easier if you don't feel the pain, whoever said that had no idea what they were talking about. The days that followed brought along my aching arms and I craved him, my heart hurt so bad I could feel it physically, my body produced milk as if it desperately wanted to feed a baby, and the most cruel part there was so much movement still in my stomach the following week that it actually felt like a baby moving and kicking. Yesterday my arms ached for a different reason. They grew tired but I didn't care....as I sat during church holding Tegan he went off to sleep. I was scared to move him at all b/c I didn't want to wake him up so for 25 minutes I held a 22 1/2 lb boy cradled in my right arm with nothing to prop my arm on. Most of the day he was clingy as was Rylee therefore there was never a moment without one of them in my arms or snuggling up next to me. Last night as I laid in the bed and said my prayers I could feel my arm beginning to get sore from holding Tegan in that same position at church and all I could think about was praising God for TIRED ARMS. I would take tired arms over empty arms any day. Some days are a challenge with a clingy baby but I welcome those challenges and know that I couldn't have lived had I lost Tegan. I will never be the same since losing Cohen but now I will never be the same in a good way since having Tegan...just as I was with Rylee. So today I find myself being thankful for not only what I do have but for what has slipped away just for the fact that Cohen was a part of my life, no matter how short that was!
Enjoy the pictures....this is all I got all day long.





Me and my babies!

Me and my man.

Paul and Rylee flying a kite.

Tegan's first time in the grass. He didn't like it.

The finale

That is what Rylee called today. She has been in dance class since August of last year and today they had their recital. I thought she may want to sign up again b/c she is so good at it and always dancing around here but she told me this was her grand finale. She said she wants to do cheerleading, singing lessons, t-ball and soccer...not sure if we will swing all of those but we are putting the singing lessons on hold until after her swimming lessons are over. She is just a busy little girl.
She was so beautiful and when I asked if all the people in the crowd scared her she thought I was crazy for asking that. She answered me as if she didn't even notice a packed building of adults eagerly awaiting all the dances. She is so funny b/c she told me that dance takes to long and she wants to do something that last a couple of weeks and is then over with....she's got it all figured out.
We went to the dress rehearsal last night and one of the little girls went potty in her outfit so the whole thing was pushed back a while but finally this dancing thing is over. Whoa Hoa!!!!! But I must say she was the best dancer in her group. She loved getting flowers from me and the magnificent Meme afterward also. She did notice that a few people were missing but I think we will more than make up for it at her graduation b/c we will probably have half the place with just our family! Which by the way she has a special part in that!

Neuro

So today I took Tegan to see the Pediatric Neurologist. Luckily I didn't have to drive to Augusta b/c he comes to St. Mary's once a month and I was able to get an appointment with him. Well it is in this tiny office space at St. Mary's with no room to turn around in the waiting room. I walked in and there was no one there. About 30 seconds later 50 people....o.k less than that...49 people started to pack in there. It was crazy. Also sad to see lots of the small kids. Well I got back pretty quick and the Neurologist seemed to be pretty impressed with Tegan's progress. The first thing he commented on was that the movement of his eyes had slowed down a whole lot. He thinks that he has just minor delays now if any at all. He was a little worried about his legs b/c he will not put weight on them and I told him how he loves to kick them and he said that he should be standing on them like in our laps or if we stood him up at a table and he doesn't. Of course I didn't think to tell him about how hard he jumps in his jumparoo and slams himself around in his saucer. He really stands on his legs in those things. He wants the physical therapist to start working on strengthening his legs. Once again we left the Dr. without a diagnosis but he told me that was a a good thing b/c not having a diagnosis means that hopefully there is nothing major wrong and that his vision/nystagmus has just slowed him down. He wants to see him in Nov. b/c he will be 14 months old then and will hopefully be able to see him walking or at least cruising. He said he was very optimistic that he will outgrow all of this and thought that pretty soon no one will notice his nystagmus b/c of how much it has improved.
Now the big question...IMMUNIZATIONS....so I am all for him having his shots but I am scared of it harming him at this point. Had he not had these delays I would have never thought twice about it. He said he couldn't promise even the person with the healthiest child that their child wouldn't have regressive autism. But that Tegan shows no signs of autism. He says that he does believe that the shots can cause problems but also told me that recently all the mercury has been removed from the shots which was what they think are causing the problems. He recommended that he get his shots slowly and if at anytime we feel something isn't right then to stop. He said one shot every week or two weeks until he is caught up. Bless his heart b/c he is behind by 10 shots! He said that Tegan should never get his immunizations all at one time and we should always spread it out which is fine by me. HE said even if he is five and not a problem in the world he should get his shots one at a time. So I guess we will start that process at his 9 month check-up at the end of the month. Below are a few pictures of my sweet kids today. Tegan was a wild man tonight and I got a great video of him in that bath but can't figure out why my blog will not post them. I put him on the floor on a blanket and within seconds he was all the way across the floor and never missing a beat just rolling all the way. He also managed to roll away from me while changing his diaper....let's just say he has a temper these days.


Do I look like I have an ear infection and two new teeth?



His first pair of shoes. He actually loved them!

After about six pictures this was the best I could do. I tried to get some of Rylee alone but she wasn't interested.

Mother of the Year....

Not so much. With it just being less than a week until Mother's day we all look back and hope that we have done the best that we can. Well today is not one of those days for me. My poor little man has been getting two new teeth. The experience has been less than fun for him and me. Well last night he didn't sleep well which means I didn't sleep well and then today he was refusing to take a nap. Every time he ran a low grade fever I would just give him Tylenol and chalk it up to teething. Today after fighting with him to take a nap and losing the battle after my desperate attempt to make him cry it out for about 45 minutes, I finally gave in and called the Dr. and they said to bring him on in. I felt it was a huge waste of time and they were going to tell me that he was just teething and to deal with it. Not so much as they tell me that my boy has a really bad ear infection in his left ear on top of the pain of getting new teeth. Poor guy...no wonder he is so miserable. Now how do I feel about my mothering skills now after making him lay in his bed and cry for 45 minutes today....I suck. Just for today though....don't worry, I babied him so much that he may never return to normal! I love that guy!

Busy as can be

Me and Rylee went this past Friday to our Relay for life with our church. I was exhausted afterward and we left at 10:00. We left Tegan and Paul behind and me and Rylee went to represent the family. Rylee ran all over that place to the point that me and her both couldn't hardly hold our eyes open long enough to get home. She actually slept late the next morning. Our church raised around $7,000 and our county raised over $90,000.

We have a busy week ahead this week. Tomorrow Tegan sees the neurologist for only the second time since discovering something wasn't completely right. Lucky for us he is coming to St. Mary's so instead of a 3 hour drive to Augusta we get to drive 20 minutes. This should be much more pleasant. Hopefully he will see all the progress that he has made and release us.
Then on Wed. he has occupational therapy and Rylee has a dentist appointment. Then she has her dance dress rehearsal on Friday and the recital is on Saturday. I hate to say it but I will be so glad when this dance is over. It has lasted a year and Rylee isn't that in to it anyway so I was so glad when she said she didn't want to do it again. Then of course Sunday will be busy with Mother's day. It is true what they say....you don't get a mother's day until you no longer have a mother. I am completely content with never having a mother's day if that is the trade off I have to make.

SUPER STAR

I was looking at my blog and realized I forgot to update you guys on Tegan's last therapy session. He was declared a "SUPER STAR". His physical therapist is so crazy about him and says that in 20 years of her career she has never seen a kid that was went from 0 to 60 as fast as he has. Of course I give Teggie's a lot of the credit but it is nice to have the physical therapist give me praise for pushing him along.
Here is the assessment results. In category one: (pushing his chest up, holding his head up, how he holds himself posture wise, etc..) When we started the beginning of February he was 5 months old, he rated at a 1 month level and (drum roll please) now he is on a 7 month level! That is six months of progress in just three months.
In category two: (rolling, sitting up, reaching for toys, etc..) When we started he was 5 months old and rated on a 2 month level....now he is on a NINE month level! When they average the two together he is on a 8 month level and just turned 8 months old this past Sunday!
Keep in mind this is just the physical therapist and does not include the occupational therapist which is more of his fine motor skills but who cares....this is great! So our hopes are now that he stays right on target with his age now but it will just take a lot more work than for other kids. It was decided that he doesn't need to see the physical therapist again for six more weeks. Our next big obstacle is that when he starts to crawl and walk we don't know how his depth perception will be with his nystagmus. I'm hoping and expecting the best.
Tegan was given a gold star....one for mommy to keep and one for him to eat. They say they hardly ever give out gold stars except when a kid is testing out of therapy!


What a great prize!


Look closely to read what it says!


Notice this one is Tegan's!